Another Day In Paradise
by Cheez Socks
Summary: It began when she was the unwilling recipient of elf love in One Mixed Up Mary-Sue, continued as her mom accompanied her through Lothlorien in The Madness Continues, and she fell off horses and hated on her cousin in Are We Done Yet? Now Emily's back to tie up some loose ends, mostly de-throning the reigning Mary-Sue queen and getting home in one piece. Part four in a series.


**Another Day In Paradise**

_Thank you to everyone who has been following me since the beginning in _One Mixed Up Mary-Sue_. You have all been amazingly patient and supportive. It blows my mind that years later I'm still getting favorites and reviews on my stories! This is part four in the series and will take on a bit of a more serious tone, but I promise will still be funny! Just a bit more of a grown-up funny! I know I'm a slow writer, so I hope we've all had the time to grow and begin to appreciate something a bit more substantial, but with the same goofy protagonist. On that note, if you have not read the previous stories, I suggest you do, because, hey they're AWESOME! I will try my hardest to work in background info where it fits to help those who haven't read them (your loss,) or who may have forgotten some details over the years. Thank you all again._

When she heard the doorbell ring, Emily sprung up out of the comfy couch in her parents' living room and ran over. She'd been living here the past few months, ever since she'd come home from Middle-earth... again. On the other side of the door was Jason Andrews, one of the police officers who had found her wandering beside a quiet stretch of highway in the middle of the night, dressed in, as he elegantly put it "her old time-y halloween costume" and waving a knife at passing motorists. Like a normal, well-adjusted woman.

"Who is it?" Jean, Emily's mother, called down from upstairs. Even though Emily was now well into her twenties, having your kid mysteriously vanish three times could do a number, and her parents could get just a little overprotective.

"Just a friend, mom," Emily replied. "I'm going out for the weekend, remember?" She opened the door and smiled, then silently stepped out of the house. After locking the door behind herself, she turned to face him.

"More questions, Andrews?" Emily asked.

"Well, you _are_ fun to interrogate," he replied, with a smile. He leaned down and kissed her before Emily could protest displays of affection on her mother's front porch. She rolled her eyes as he led her to his car.

"I don't know why you're so embarrassed of me," he said as he started the engine. "I'm a good guy with a steady job- moms love me!"

"I'm sorry I'm just not sure what the parent-friendly version of "mom, dad, I have deep, messed-up commitment issues, but this is the guy I'm sleeping with" would be." Emily snapped back at him. "My mom would cry and my dad would go nuts. You know how parents are."

"Cop, remember? I carry a gun, sweetie, I'll be fine," he countered.

"Sweetie? Really?" They spent the next few minutes in silence, except for the classic rock playing on the radio. Emily was staring out the window at the town she grew up in. She'd lived here for eighteen years before going to college, and even then, she'd come back for the summers and Christmas holidays. But somehow it just felt so wrong now. She sighed and looked over at the frustrated man sitting beside her.

"Andrews, I'm sorry," she said. "But you know I have issues. What do you expect from a girl who your first words to were something along the lines of _put down the knife, crazy lady, you're scaring the locals_? Hm?" Emily laughed, holding tightly onto the backpack she'd taken with her. Andrews lived a couple of hours away, so she was packed for a weekend.

"Emily it's not funny," he said softly. "I wish you would talk to me about this."

"And this is why I thought this was a bad idea," Emily said. "I don't want to be with anyone, and I've told you that, but I feel like you're still holding out hope. This whole open communication thing is not my style."

"Don't act like you didn't want this at all," he argued. "If I remember correctly you were just as... enthusiastic... as I was."

"Can we resume this discussion while you're not holding both of our lives in your hands?" Emily asked, noting his tight grip on the wheel. Andrews just nodded, and Emily turned away, letting her mind wander.

_She'd been home a few weeks, and had spent most of that time meeting with police, doctors and all kinds of professionals, all determined to get to the bottom of her case. She'd refused to give any of them anything, just saying that she couldn't remember what had happened at all. They'd gotten one blood test out of her, but by this point she was done cooperating; she just wanted life to go back to normal. And the few moments she'd had to herself were spent with her family. She'd moved back into her parents house, that's right, she was now officially a basement-dweller. But the interrogations hadn't stopped there._

_Her cousin Ari (or Sparkle, which she preferred to call herself) had gone missing at the same time as her. Emily knew exactly where she was, but who would believe that the pretty, blonde teenager was in Middle-earth planning her Barbie Dream Wedding to an insane, puppy dog version of Legolas? That's why she went with the I-don't-know and some convincing tears. But Ari's parents visited frequently, both to talk to Emily and just to be close to some family. Emily's dad (bless him) had noticed his daughter was about to break and had suggested the four of them go out to dinner. No doubt it would be an extremely awkward evening, which made Emily even more grateful to him. But she was ecstatic at the chance to just sit at home in her pajamas, watching TV and eating junk like any normal, unemployed 20-something._

_Emily had been eating nachos, drinking cheap wine and watching a marathon of_ Supernatural_ episodes on Netflix when the doorbell rang. She wasn't expecting anyone, so she let it go. Antisocial, yes, but she wasn't feeling too guilty about it. Then there was another ring and a loud knock. With a loud sigh at the interruption, she got up, walked over to the door and peeked outside. It took her a minute to recognize him in a pair of jeans and a jacket instead of his police uniform, but standing there was Andrews, who had never believed her claims of ignorance. Plus there had been the whole blackmailing him thing._

"_What do you want?" Emily asked as she opened the door. She kept mentally telling herself that she had done nothing wrong, he had been the one messing around, lying to her about being assigned to take her to and from doctor's appointments and keep tabs on her, when really he was just nosy. _

"_To talk to you," he replied simply. It really was too bad he'd been a sham, she had somehow almost enjoyed his company. He'd taken her attitude in stride, and would often match her blow for blow. But... blackmailing him also got her out of the shrink appointments, hallelujah. _

"_Well, I'm afraid I'm done talking about the situation, and even if I were talking, it's above you now anyways." Emily tried to close the door, but he lifted an arm to hold it open._

"_Come on, it's raining, at least let me come in and dry off," he said, flashing her a smile. "I'm off-duty anyways, I'm not here to question you, just to talk."_

"_Fine," she gave in, opening the door wide to let him in. She got a towel from the linen closet and threw it at him. "What do you want to talk about? And don't say-"_

"_What happened to you?" Andrews asked._

"_Took the words right out of my mouth. I thought this wasn't a questioning," Emily snapped. _

"_It's not, I'm just asking as a concerned friend," he replied._

"_Oh so we're friends now?" Emily asked. "Okay, well then, the truth is I will never tell anyone what happened to me because it's just too crazy to believe. My cousin is ok, so don't try to play that guilt trip, and I just want to leave it in the past. She found a boyfriend, wants to marry him, she's okay."_

"_Well thank you for sharing," he said. "You're stubborn, huh?"_

"_Says the off-duty cop, who isn't even on this case, who came to my house? Oh yeah, _I'm_ the stubborn one here!"_

"_You intrigue me," he said with a smile. "And I'm glad I'm off your case, Emily."_

"_Oh really?"_

"_Yes really," he said before he leaned down and kissed her. "That would have been very bad if I was still on your case."_

"_What the fuck was that, Andrews?" Emily demanded. He couldn't kiss her! He was a jerk! A lying jerk who was borderline stalking her. And whose ass looked _great_ in those jeans. Damn it. Damn wine. Damn. _

"_What did it look like?"_

"_You came all the way out here for a kiss?" Emily asked with a smile._

_He spent the night that evening, and slipped out the next morning, leaving Emily his phone number and a gnawing feeling in her gut. She wasn't about to deny that she'd had a good time; Andrews knew what he was doing. But she couldn't get herself around the fact that she was keeping secrets from him and would have to continue to do so forever- or however long this went on. Besides, when did she become the type of girl who slept with some guy she barely knew? Two days later she called him and left him a voicemail asking him to meet her at a coffee place nearby._

_He never called back, but he showed up. Emily was actually somewhat surprised to see him, and she wasn't sure if it was a good surprise or a bad one. On one hand, it would have been insulting if he hadn't shown. On the other, she could have just remembered that night as a fun fluke. Once they had ordered their coffees and sat down, Emily dove right in._

"_I don't know what you're expecting out of this," Emily said. "But I have nothing to offer. The last time I got close to friends, I had it thrown in my face that they had done something to hurt me. I'm not one of those girls who's going to be all untrustworthy until the right person comes along and shows me how to love again or whatever bullshit. It's a conscious choice to focus on myself and not open up to someone until I'm ready."_

"_So I won't be seeing you again?"_

"_Andrews, I had fun with you, and I must admit that was a very good form of stress relief, but that's all I have to offer right now. I don't want to give or receive love or commitment or anything like that."_

"_Emily I had fun too," he said. "And it's not like I fell for you in the few hours we spent together. Why don't we just see where having fun takes us?"_

"_Is this how you ask out every girl or did I get the easy, emotionally-crippled girls' pickup?"_

"_Don't tell me you didn't enjoy yourself, Emily," Andrews said. "I didn't expect it either."_

"_Well, just so you know, this is going nowhere further than casual sex."_

"_I can deal with that."_

"Was I that much of a sure thing?" Emily asked. "You drove all the way to my place, that's like two hours. Do I seem like that kind of girl?"

"If I tell you that I was in the neighborhood will that make it a bit better?"

"No... So what's your damage that you're ok with just getting some on the side?" Emily asked, focused again on the present They were getting close to their destination. "You're an attractive guy, why no desire for a steady girlfriend? You don't want the whole wife, kids, house and a golden retriever thing?"

"You'd think I would," he replied. "I'm twenty six and everyone tells me that's what a guy my age should be starting to want, that I should be on the lookout for 'the one.' But all of that stuff still scares the shit out of me."

"We're the perfect duo, then," Emily concluded. "Both emotionally damaged to some degree, and both able to blissfully ignore that fact because we have each other to fuck on the weekends."

"Sounds healthy," Andrews added as they pulled into the driveway by an old bungalow.

Emily stepped out of bed, thirsty. It was the middle of the night and the room was dark. She left the lights off to let Andrews sleep as she walked into the kitchen; she'd been here enough times that she knew her way around the place. But tonight something was off... The hardwood floors felt weird under her feet. They felt damp and spongy. She looked down and saw... grass? She did a double-take and it was definitely grass, she could smell it now. After a pinch to wake herself up did nothing, she started to panic. Was she sleepwalking? Andrews' place was on a huge property, could she be out in the back somewhere?

Suddenly a loud shout came from behind her. It was horrible, it didn't sound human. She spun around and saw them behind her... Uruk-hai... thousands... She reached for a weapon, but didn't have anything. She started frantically patting herself down, looking for a sword, the knife in her boot, a stick or rock, anything. She was in pajamas, and not even practical ones, just an oversized t-shirt and undies.

"Emily!" a female voice yelled at her. Frantically, she searched for the source. It was Sparkle. They were attacking her, at least a dozen of them, and more piling on every second. Soon she would be covered by them. But as hard as she pushed and as fast as she ran, Emily couldn't reach her. Eventually the girl's screams got quieter and she faded completely from view.

"Come back!" Emily yelled, still fighting to get to her.

"Emily! Emily!" Sparkle sobbed. "Emily!"

"Emily!"

Her eyes flew open and she pushed herself up into a sitting position, shaking, sweating and hyperventilating. Andrews had his hand on her shoulder, and had been gently shaking her.

"Shh..." he said softly, pushing her hair out of her face. "It was a dream, you're okay. You need to calm down, Em, you're going to pass out. Take deep breaths."

"I was back..." she said quietly. He pulled her into a hug, softly patting her on the back.

"Come have some coffee," he said once she had quieted down. "It's almost time to get up, anyways. And you'll tell me what this is all about." The look he gave her left no room for arguing, not about accepting the coffee and not about spilling the beans, either.

"You'll never believe me," Emily said once she was clutching the hot mug in her hands. She took a couple of deep breaths to try and stop the shaking before bringing it to her lips for a sip. Andrews made a damn good cup of coffee.

"Try me," he replied.

"Alright, then," she began. "I was in a mythical world with elves and kings and magic where they expected me to partake in this ultimate battle between good and evil. Not only participate, actually, some believed I was there to save the world, some mumbo-jumbo about a prophecy foretold my arrival, you see. I took part in medieval-style battles, meaning I killed monsters with a sword, and even that knife you saw me with. I got injured, but recovered but I'm still mentally scarred from the experience. Hence giving it up to a lovely gentleman like yourself. Finally, I tried to kill the guy that I was supposed to marry, who was completely crazy by the way, so they sent me home. Now my cousin is going to marry the crazy guy, but it's okay because she loves him regardless of his mental handicap. I guess I'm just a bad person, I couldn't look around it." She took another sip of coffee and looked at him expectantly.

"Damn it, Emily!" He slammed his hand down on the table. "This isn't a joke! Don't you ever want to find your cousin?"

"Of course I do!" Emily shouted back. "But I can't re-live what happened!Not in a serious way, anyways. This is about as deep as I can go, now." She lifted her shirt to show him her stomach and pointed to a nasty scar on her side. "That was from an arrow, the long one on my back is from a sword. Look me up, I'm sure you have some cop resource, I've never been in an accident or anything."

"Emily, I don't know what to say. Maybe you need to re-live it, they say talking about it can be cathartic. Getting your cousin back could be the closure you need, and all you have to do is tell the truth. But, what you're describing is impossible. There's no such thing as magic or elves or other worlds... Maybe you need to see a doctor..."

"I don't need a doctor, Andrews," she said. "I told you you wouldn't believe me. Can we just forget about this whole conversation, please?"

"Fine then, what do you want to do today?"

"Same thing we do every weekend, goof."

"Im serious," he said, taking one of her hands in his. "I want to do something different with you. Let's go out somewhere!"

"Fuck, Andrews!" Emily shouted. "I told you I don't _want_ to go out with you, and I thought you didn't want that either. I mean, look at us, we're yelling at each other already and the sun's barely coming up."

"Well excuse me for trying to be a nice guy and take you on a proper date. You owe me an explanation, Em. Tell me what happened to you and why I can't have a real relationship with you."

"Andrews," Emily said, putting the coffee down. She'd come to the unfortunate conclusion in her head. And the more she denied it, the more positive she was that it was the right thing to do. "This isn't easy to say, but I... I have to leave."

"Leave? Now? Where are you going?" He frowned and took her hands in his. "What's going on?"

"I have to go back," she replied. "You're right. One last time to help myself get over it. Besides, I have to bring my cousin home. I know where she is, I've just been too afraid to bring her back. After this weekend I'm going back. I'm going to get my cousin and bring her home somehow."

"Emily you cannot be serious! Let the police handle this. Just tell us everything you know and we'll handle it." Andrews argued with her. She could tell he was trying hard to keep calm.

"They can't," Emily said. "I'm the only one who can get to her. Besides, they can't do any good where she is."

"Then bring me with you!"

"No way," Emily replied. "No, no, no way. Besides, once we get there, there's no guarantee that we'll get back home. You can't even imagine what will be waiting for us there."

"All the more reason that you shouldn't do this alone. You shouldn't even be going back there at all, I can't let you go it alone."

"Fine," Emily conceded. "But I have conditions. First, you need to get me a gun, or four. You can never be too prepared there. Second-"

"I cant just give you a gun, Emily!"

"Sure you can. Give me your gun from work and you can take whatever you use to go hunting. I've seen the deer picture in your living room, and there's no way you put that animal down with a handgun. Besides, no one there has them, so we'll have at least one advantage."

"How about I, the legal owner, take both and if I need to share I will?" Andrews asked.

"Fine, just don't freak out and get us killed." She couldn't believe she had agreed to let him come. This could be a disaster. What if he didn't make it back? How could she explain that one? Did anyone know about their relationship- or whatever this was? Emily tried to look on the bright side, he was manpower, and depending where they got dropped, she would need it.

That evening, he took her back to her mother's house so that she could sit down with her parents. Emily spent the entire drive trying to convince him not to come with her, but his mind was made up.

"Come by tomorrow morning," she said as she got out of the car. "I'm leaving at nine sharp. Without you if you're late."

"It's a date," he said with a grin she was just dying to smack off his face.


End file.
